The Purpose of Life: Choosing Better Over Bitter in the Face of Adversity

Yesterday, a dear friend—navigating deep family struggles—looked at me and asked, “Have you ever thought about what the purpose of life is?”

Given my work as a psychotherapist, and my own share of trials over the years, I didn’t hesitate. “Yes,” I replied, “many times.”

After a thoughtful pause, she pressed: “Well… what is it?”

I shared what I’ve come to believe: The purpose of life is learning to become happy—even joyful—in the face of adversity. We all encounter trials. In those moments, we have a choice: become better or become bitter. The difference lies in how we choose to cope, respond, and grow.

She nodded slowly. “Okay, assuming you’re right… we become better or bitter. Then what?”

I asked gently, “How do you want to feel during your lifetime—better or bitter?”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh, I get it.”

The conversation deepened. She asked about life after death. “Great question,” I said. “What do you mean?”

She elaborated: If there is an afterlife, what happens? I replied that, if it exists—and I certainly hope and pray that it does—we will arrive there carrying the state we cultivated here: bitterness or peace, resentment or joy. We live out eternity shaped by the choices we make in this life.

“But no one knows if there’s life after death,” she countered. “So why even strive to be better?”

That’s when a powerful scene from the 2009 film The Invention of Lying came to mind. In it, the main character, Mark Bellison (played by Ricky Gervais), lives in a world where no one can lie—until he discovers he can. Called to his mother’s bedside as she faces death in terror and darkness, he comforts her by inventing the concept of an afterlife on the spot.

He tells her something along the lines of: When you die, you go to a wonderful place. There’s no pain, no sadness. You’ll see all your loved ones again. Everyone lives in beautiful mansions, and it’s perfect joy forever.

His mother finds profound peace. The doctors and staff overhear and are moved too. Even though (in the film’s premise) it was a “lie,” it brought real comfort, hope, and light in a moment of despair.

The point isn’t whether the story was factually true. It’s that embracing a hopeful narrative—one shared by many religions—can transform our experience here and now. Religions across the world teach that the life to come is better, a place of reward, reunion, and peace for those who strive toward goodness.

Whether or not an afterlife exists exactly as described, choosing to believe in and live toward a purposeful, redemptive story brings peace today—and prepares us for whatever comes next.

This ties directly into a core principle I teach every client: We feel what we focus on. Our thoughts and focus shape our emotions, behaviors, and ultimately our character. By intentionally focusing on growth, gratitude, faith, and service—even amid suffering—we build resilience and joy.

I could see the shift in my friend. Her heavy, solemn expression softened. She began to laugh with relief. “Yes! Why not? I can choose to believe there’s purpose. I can have joy by simply embracing that living this purpose makes a difference—here, and in the life to come.”

What about you?

What philosophy of life will you embrace—one that brings peace in this life and hope for the life to come (whether it arrives or not)?

Life’s trials are inevitable, but our response is not. Through small, consistent choices—rooted in positive reinforcement, shaping our habits step by step (as I explored in my earlier work on operant conditioning and behavior change), and anchoring in faith—we can move from bitterness to betterment.

If you’re facing adversity right now, remember: You have the power to write a better story. Start today by focusing on what lifts you. One step, one reward, one act of hope at a time.

Dr. Galen Cole

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